Winning vs. Gaining

In the world we are currently living, it seems to me that we have forgotten a few things about disagreement and persuasion.  Let’s look at how some of the words we use to describe these things are used presently with what they actually mean. 

Argument.  This word is often thought of as a describing a verbal altercation.  Conflict seems to be implied.  Most basically, an argument is a position on a topic.  Making an argument is simply giving information that you used to determine your position, usually so that others can determine if they reach the same conclusion from that information.  In a healthy discussion, people will be able to give and receive arguments, and thus formulate or reform their own beliefs. 

Debate.  We tend to think of a debate in terms of a competition.  Contenders argue, and the best arguer is deemed the winner.  Debate is supposed to be a comparison of ideas.  The ideas are put forth and arguments are made about why the idea is a good one, and the best idea wins.  Or doesn’t.  Perhaps there are more than one good idea.  Or no good ideas.  The point is the ideas are what should be evaluated.  Unfortunately, we have to consider the skill of the presenter of each idea into what we are evaluating.  If we are not proficient at being able to separate the content from the package, we can easily mistake the shiniest presentation for the best idea. 

If we want to be effective communicators, it is definitely to our advantage to improve our ability to present our ideas in the best possible way to ensure that poor presentation does not diminish our position.  It is equally, or possibly more important, to be able to distinguish the actual information we are hearing from an opposing viewpoint and not just the presentation.  Most often, we won’t be wowed into changing our minds by hearing a slick presentation that is contrary to our beliefs, but we are certainly likely to disregard information because it was presented in a way we find to be disagreeable. 

My challenge to you is that you learn to see debate as an opportunity to gain, and not as an opportunity to win or lose.  This will help to approach opposing viewpoints with an open mind and the intention to honestly and critically evaluate them.  It will also help to allow us to present our own viewpoints without the fear that it is us on display instead of our ideas.  If I present an idea that is vigorously critiqued, then I get the opportunity to consider alternatives, and whether I change or keep my position, I have learned and grown from the experience.  If I evaluate an opposing position without regard to who is presenting the information, I can learn and grow despite whether I agree or disagree. 

I'd like to hear if you have experienced a debate as a zero-sum competition of right against wrong, and if you think that it's possible to find a nuanced middle ground.  Please let me in the comments!